So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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