I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
