i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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