Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
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Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
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I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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