Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
