Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
