I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
