Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
