Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
