I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Semen is not good for contacts.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize