out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I am available for nakedness
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
