i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
high people should be assigned attendants
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
