You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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