fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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