just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
