So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
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I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
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I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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