We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
