eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
