We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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