Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
