you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
