This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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