Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
