Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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