you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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