We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
