why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
