Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
