im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
