At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
