sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Randomize
