I am spending my child support on dildos
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
