i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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