Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
