Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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