Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
