she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
