roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin