So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
