She said her name was "party"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
