oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Drunk is not a location!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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