This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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