a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
