it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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