im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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