Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
