It's like a parade of train wrecks.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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