i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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