my phone needs a breathalizer
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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