My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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