I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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