i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You ruined the universe
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
