Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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