I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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