dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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