OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
