I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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