One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
