So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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