They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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