You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
