I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
