If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
