I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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