I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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