I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
