Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
