is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Welp...herpes.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
