well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
