Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
