i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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