oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
