It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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