I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Randomize
