You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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